Ugggggggggh.

God, I don't understand why you put certain people in my path, I understand while they are still here, but as soon as they leave, I want to shoot my foot off.
I'm so used to people leaving me I've put up this front so i don't let emotions seep through, I let someone past the wall i've built and now I feel broken hearted and lost.
I love you?
We're all those words a lie?
I feel like they have been once they say "We can still be friends though." I'd rather DIE then hear those words.
I wish God would just take me out of my misery and take me home with him.
God is the only man I can trust because everytime I trust someone else I get my emotions thrown back in my face.
I thought you were different, you said you were, you said you didn't want to hurt me...
But you did.

Prayer.

Today I'm still sick, but with God's grace, I'm getting better, that and a lot of prayer from my friends.
But.... today I got sad news that my mom's friends son Andrew has just went from being able to breathe on his own, to being on life support in under 2 hours.
Please pray for Andrew, he's only 13 and he got hurt from falling down the stairs, his kidneys and liver failed. Keep him in your prayers for the families heart to be mended and that you would either bring him home to Jesus or heal him.
Thanks.

Today.

Today was an eventful day.
I got to see my friend Neil and he pretty much made my day.
He's an amazing guy and God has blessed me with his friendship.

Prayer.

Today I'm sick :(
My family is going through a lot.
pray for us.

Tired.

Today I'm literally exhausted, and i don't know why, I've been tiring myself out and I'm physically and mentally tired and I don't know how to make myself my old peppy self.
Its harder than it seems too, I've even been getting more sleep lately, but I'm still exhausted. IDK whats wrong with me, lol.

Elections of 08

Today is both a sad and eventful day, Today Obama -cough cough NO B.O.- was elected president of the United States of America, and luckily Prop 8 was passed :).
The ban on gay marriage is finally here :D.
But more sad news, prop 4 was denied, its not going to become a prop. Which is depressing, I just want to protect all the unborn babies.

My life.

My life is having its ups and downs but lately I've been going up, and I'm preparing myself for the fall down to the bottom, because what goes up must come down sooner or later. I've been ALOT closer to God and I feel like I have my life together for the most part, but anything can alter my life for the worse, I just have to keep close to God and pray.

R.I.P CHRIS BLACK! 10-1-08

Chris you were always there for me when i was down, you would give me hugs and tell me that everything will be okay. You were hilarious and i miss that about you. You've left so many people behind that love you, you did somthing stupid and now everyone you left behind has to pay for it. How could you do this to us. Now your little brother who is 5 is never going to be able to know what a great guy you are, he's never going to be able to be comforted by the big brother he really needed. You will always be in my memories, we love you Chris!

18!!!

I'm finally 18 and yet i don't feel any different.
Except for gaining my right to vote and get married i still feel the same.
I don't understand why the world is so set on growing up.
I want to be a kid forever :)
If not by my age then i will stay a kid with my actions.

4 More Hours

I feel like my head is going to fall of with the way it is spinning.
Only 4 more hours tell i'm at the airport on my way to Germany.
Why is this happening to me???
Little old Courtney.
God chose me to go to Germany, and this trip will change my life for the better :) I know it will.

Germany.

So today I embark on a journey with friends and its to Dusseldorf Germany.
I'm so nervous but at the same time i'm so excited I just might explode.....wait....I just did.
:)
neways, this trip is a big deal for me because maybe it will show my parents i can be a grown up and learn to live on my own ( well kinda)
Prayer is my weapon right now and i'm covering myself in it and the word.
I hope i don't mess up in Germany and I don't get kicked out of the country for doing something stupid like breaking a priceless statue or something because i would so do something like that by accident.

anywhoo's talking to ashley will write more later :)